Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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