allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
