I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
