the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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