Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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