are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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