I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
