our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
