Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's blow job season.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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