i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize