your parents love me but you hate me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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