I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
