He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
