I heard we made out
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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