I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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