Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
