we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
