my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
