dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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