Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't like sucking hair
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
