i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how drunk are you?
Several
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
