but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
