OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
