I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
