is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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