Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
