sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
