So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
