my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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