I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
