You smell like a Billy Joel song
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
