apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
