Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
