I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
