Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
