Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
