i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
