My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
