Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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