i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
