Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
