Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The ass gains better be worth it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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