My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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