Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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