dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize