i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
