I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
