Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
