Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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