New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
is it fun? or sober?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
