So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
