There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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