honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
