Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize