I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
