I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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