if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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