come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
