I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
