my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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