I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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