Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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