I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
