dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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