I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
