Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Bring me that man meat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
