y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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