I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize