Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
