Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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