absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
