I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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